I am going to start by reading a poem that was published by For Women Who Roar in December 2019 that I wrote in October 2018 and read at my first charity ball for Rape Crisis England and Wales which I hosted last year. The event raised over £2,000 and I am holding a similar event at the end of February but this time, with a film festival instead of speakers. Especially for this years event, I have made a short film that I hope will be useful in continuing to raise awareness of sexual violence in the future. Creative outlets have been a huge part of my healing process and I believe this poem provides some context into the journey I have been on since I was raped.
Poem: Time Gone By
I’ve really struggled with knowing what to say today. I would say all the systems in place for sexual violence survivors are broken but I’m not sure they’ve ever worked. I know where the cracks are though because I feel like I have fallen through most of them.
Firstly, education about sex, healthy relationships, consent and boundaries is practically non-existent. I never had sex education in school. I have learnt about these things because I wanted to. I’ve actively gone out of my way to educate myself.
Secondly, in most cases, justice doesn’t exist for survivors. Probability of conviction is so small it may as well not be there.
Additionally, getting access to help or signposted to specialist services is extremely rare and difficult. The only time I’ve been referred to specialist services was by the police, despite going to my university, my GP, gynaecologists and other sources of help. Waiting lists for counselling are so long that I’m yet to receive any. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever get help.
Lastly, health services have never told me about specialist services and they haven’t helped address any mental or physical issues. For example, when I went to my GP about my eczema, I was told to use Vaseline when in reality, dry skin wasn’t the issue. A disorder of the skin is just one way Post traumatic stress can manifest itself.
The system is so dysfunctional for survivors that to even call it a system is to exaggerate its reality. I know the answer is better resources but where these resources come from and how you allocate them effectively, I don’t know. I am happy to be here and see the welsh government attempting to find solutions to the challenges and I think the best contribution I can make today is to tell you about my journey and the various times I’ve been let down by the so-called ‘system’.
It happened in mid-2016. Three and a half years ago. I refused to acknowledge what had happened to me until September 2017. After I had come to terms with the fact that I was raped, I sought help from the university and waited six weeks for a one hour-long session with a counsellor in December 2017. It didn’t help. At this time, I started taking anti-depressants. I went to two hypnotherapy sessions to help with my mental health in January 2018. I spent hours researching help. I didn’t know where to look. Domestic Violence charities kept popping up but I knew I didn’t fall into that category. The only service I knew about was Rape Crisis and they didn’t have a centre in Cardiff. In October 2018, I stopped taking anti-depressants after trying many different types and doses, none of which worked. At this time, I was referred to a gynaecologist to talk about the immense pain I kept getting in my stomach. She put me on the list to get some scans and referred me for psycho-sexual therapy. In January 2019, I signed up for help with a specialist service I had found out about at another Violence Against Women event. I was told the waiting list was 12 months long, I still haven’t heard. It wouldn’t be until November 2019 that I would finally get seen by the psycho-sexual therapist over a year after the initial referral. I waited over a year for two forty-five minute sessions that, whilst they helped me acknowledge and manage my anger, were ultimately the wrong type of therapy.
The only source of specialist help that I have received in the last three and a half years, has been from SARC (the Sexual Assault Referral Centre). In February 2019, there was a confrontation that led to the police becoming aware of the incident. I was introduced to SARC and told I would be allocated an ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) who would support me through the police investigation process. I liked the space in the Cardiff Royal Infirmary. I liked that when you get to the door, the sign reads ‘Safe Island’. It sounds like a warm and comfortable place to be. There are sofas, cushions, tissues on the tables, books on the shelves. I liked that I was able to liaise with just one person. A familiar voice, a familiar face. Someone you don’t know looking out for you. Heading to the same room for each meeting. A familiar place. I discussed how difficult it was when I bumped into the perpetrator, how much I struggled to talk to my friends, how amazing and supportive my family had been, how I was worried they needed some help too. We talked about how I would look after myself, eating well, exercising regularly, spending time with loved ones. I had the chance to be updated about the investigation, ask any questions I might have.
The truth is though, I have survived up until now with the very minimum of help. I would have liked to have stood here today and told you how amazing I was doing and how I felt that I had an overall positive systematic experience since acknowledging what had happened to me. I haven’t. I have been let down by health professionals, I have been let down by my university, I have been let down by specialist support organisations, I have been let down by the police and I have been let down by society. Whilst I have managed to develop coping mechanisms and healing practices, I still face massive challenges on a daily basis that often feel too big and overwhelming to cope with. One of my biggest challenges in London (moving away from the scene of the crime was one of my coping strategies) is the Tube, which I find extremely triggering. During rush hour, the tube is so overcrowded that I become very anxious. I would like to be able to take the tube without panicking. It’s these types of problems that I think specialist services could help me to deal with through counselling and therapy. If I had been signposted to this kind of help years ago, back in 2017 when I finally acknowledged what had happened and first started to reach out for help, and if the services had been there, I might be in a better place today than I actually am.
As I have said, I am happy to see the Welsh Government acknowledging Sexual Violence Awareness Week and launching the #ThisIsSexualViolence campaign. I do hope that what I have shared about my experience today, will be taken in the spirit in which it is given - openly & honestly and we can all agree that the system, if we can call it that, isn’t working. If we can agree that, perhaps we can begin to build a system that helps survivors deal with the trauma & stress of sexual violence, rather than adding to it. Thanks for listening.
Poem: Time Gone By
I’ve really struggled with knowing what to say today. I would say all the systems in place for sexual violence survivors are broken but I’m not sure they’ve ever worked. I know where the cracks are though because I feel like I have fallen through most of them.
Firstly, education about sex, healthy relationships, consent and boundaries is practically non-existent. I never had sex education in school. I have learnt about these things because I wanted to. I’ve actively gone out of my way to educate myself.
Secondly, in most cases, justice doesn’t exist for survivors. Probability of conviction is so small it may as well not be there.
Additionally, getting access to help or signposted to specialist services is extremely rare and difficult. The only time I’ve been referred to specialist services was by the police, despite going to my university, my GP, gynaecologists and other sources of help. Waiting lists for counselling are so long that I’m yet to receive any. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever get help.
Lastly, health services have never told me about specialist services and they haven’t helped address any mental or physical issues. For example, when I went to my GP about my eczema, I was told to use Vaseline when in reality, dry skin wasn’t the issue. A disorder of the skin is just one way Post traumatic stress can manifest itself.
The system is so dysfunctional for survivors that to even call it a system is to exaggerate its reality. I know the answer is better resources but where these resources come from and how you allocate them effectively, I don’t know. I am happy to be here and see the welsh government attempting to find solutions to the challenges and I think the best contribution I can make today is to tell you about my journey and the various times I’ve been let down by the so-called ‘system’.
It happened in mid-2016. Three and a half years ago. I refused to acknowledge what had happened to me until September 2017. After I had come to terms with the fact that I was raped, I sought help from the university and waited six weeks for a one hour-long session with a counsellor in December 2017. It didn’t help. At this time, I started taking anti-depressants. I went to two hypnotherapy sessions to help with my mental health in January 2018. I spent hours researching help. I didn’t know where to look. Domestic Violence charities kept popping up but I knew I didn’t fall into that category. The only service I knew about was Rape Crisis and they didn’t have a centre in Cardiff. In October 2018, I stopped taking anti-depressants after trying many different types and doses, none of which worked. At this time, I was referred to a gynaecologist to talk about the immense pain I kept getting in my stomach. She put me on the list to get some scans and referred me for psycho-sexual therapy. In January 2019, I signed up for help with a specialist service I had found out about at another Violence Against Women event. I was told the waiting list was 12 months long, I still haven’t heard. It wouldn’t be until November 2019 that I would finally get seen by the psycho-sexual therapist over a year after the initial referral. I waited over a year for two forty-five minute sessions that, whilst they helped me acknowledge and manage my anger, were ultimately the wrong type of therapy.
The only source of specialist help that I have received in the last three and a half years, has been from SARC (the Sexual Assault Referral Centre). In February 2019, there was a confrontation that led to the police becoming aware of the incident. I was introduced to SARC and told I would be allocated an ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) who would support me through the police investigation process. I liked the space in the Cardiff Royal Infirmary. I liked that when you get to the door, the sign reads ‘Safe Island’. It sounds like a warm and comfortable place to be. There are sofas, cushions, tissues on the tables, books on the shelves. I liked that I was able to liaise with just one person. A familiar voice, a familiar face. Someone you don’t know looking out for you. Heading to the same room for each meeting. A familiar place. I discussed how difficult it was when I bumped into the perpetrator, how much I struggled to talk to my friends, how amazing and supportive my family had been, how I was worried they needed some help too. We talked about how I would look after myself, eating well, exercising regularly, spending time with loved ones. I had the chance to be updated about the investigation, ask any questions I might have.
The truth is though, I have survived up until now with the very minimum of help. I would have liked to have stood here today and told you how amazing I was doing and how I felt that I had an overall positive systematic experience since acknowledging what had happened to me. I haven’t. I have been let down by health professionals, I have been let down by my university, I have been let down by specialist support organisations, I have been let down by the police and I have been let down by society. Whilst I have managed to develop coping mechanisms and healing practices, I still face massive challenges on a daily basis that often feel too big and overwhelming to cope with. One of my biggest challenges in London (moving away from the scene of the crime was one of my coping strategies) is the Tube, which I find extremely triggering. During rush hour, the tube is so overcrowded that I become very anxious. I would like to be able to take the tube without panicking. It’s these types of problems that I think specialist services could help me to deal with through counselling and therapy. If I had been signposted to this kind of help years ago, back in 2017 when I finally acknowledged what had happened and first started to reach out for help, and if the services had been there, I might be in a better place today than I actually am.
As I have said, I am happy to see the Welsh Government acknowledging Sexual Violence Awareness Week and launching the #ThisIsSexualViolence campaign. I do hope that what I have shared about my experience today, will be taken in the spirit in which it is given - openly & honestly and we can all agree that the system, if we can call it that, isn’t working. If we can agree that, perhaps we can begin to build a system that helps survivors deal with the trauma & stress of sexual violence, rather than adding to it. Thanks for listening.
